How I've (Mostly) Overcome My Fear of Flying
En route from Tokyo to Austin, a 15+ hour flight. It's the longest flight I've ever taken, and it's a route that's mostly over the Pacific ocean. Flying over water is, for whatever reason, mentally tougher for me. Also, yes I'm sitting in First Class in this picture (points baby!), but the jokes on me. Statistically speaking, you're more likely to die in the front of the plane in an accident than in the rear cabin. Bottoms up!
Recently, my husband David and I were on a flight home to Austin from Denver. Right as we were preparing to land, the captain came over the intercom and told us we'd be "circling for a while" in an attempt to wait out some "microburst" and severe weather activity in the area. Because I'm an anxious flyer and therefore know way too much about dangerous weather (😅), I know what a microburst is. But in case you don't, here's a quick description courtesy of the National Weather Service. In a nutshell: microbursts can crash an airplane. Eventually, our flight was redirected to San Antonio to refuel and wait out the storm on the tarmac instead of the sky.
Terrible turbulence! Storms roaring in the distance out my window! Moments of zero visibility as we plowed through rain clouds! The remote possibility of running out of fuel! This is the sort of scenario that would - as recently as a year ago - have sent me into an anxiety-ridden tailspin from which I couldn’t pull out of (pun intended). When this would happen to me, I knew it was irrational. I knew it was unhealthy. I knew it irritated friends I traveled with. But for years I felt helpless. I didn't know how to handle it.
Somewhere over Mexico. I took this photo to distract myself from my impending doom. If you've ever flown into Cabo San Lucas, then you know that descent is a steep one. Notice the margarita in the reflection.
To make matters worse, my fear of flying didn't just manifest itself while I was on the plane. I was anxious from the moment I woke up the morning of a flight. Basically, I just exuded general nervous (read: controlling) behavior that was so palpable, it affected the mood of everyone around me.... mainly my poor husband.
So, after a particularly bad flight out of Phoenix (during which I literally convinced myself I was going to die 🤦🏻♀️), I told myself I’d do something about it. I loved travel too much to be a nervous wreck on every flight I ever took. I refused to be that person who stayed home and missed out on life-changing travel moments. Perhaps more importantly, I care about my health and well-being, and I knew how unhealthy this level of panic had to be for my insides.
I used to rely on alcohol to help calm my nerves. For a variety of reasons, I don't think this is a good anti-anxiety tactic for me. I explain why further below.
Ever since that flight out of Phoenix, I’ve actively worked on my flight anxiety and, while I’m certainly not 100% “cured” (for lack of a better word), I am vastly improved. So without further ado, here are the things I've done that work for me + some other tips & tricks I've learned on this journey.
Arm yourself with the facts: learn about aviation, how airplanes work, and read up on flying statistics. The chances of you dying in a plane crash are infinitesimal. Specifically, your odds of dying in a plane crash are about 1 in 10 million. Statistically speaking, riding in an airplane is the same level of safe as riding in an elevator. Here's an article that really puts it into perspective: "21 Things More Likely Than Dying In A Plane Crash". And did you know air travel becomes safer every year? Flight technology has improved tremendously, and pilots are always receiving updated training.
Talk to a flight attendant or pilot. If you don't know one, then read this book: "Cockpit Confidential: Everything You Need to Know About Air Travel: Questions, Answers, and Reflections"
Practice Meditation. I resisted meditation for a while. Mostly due to my Southern Baptist upbringing (yes, seriously). But I finally moved past my closed mindedness on the subject and tried it. I could write an entire post about how meditation has changed my life, and I probably will at some point. For now, I'll just say that if you struggle with anxiety of any kind, meditation can help you. I use the Headspace app, which has "singles" dedicated specifically to the fear of flying.
Fear of flying? There's an app for that. The two I know of are Valk ($2.99) and SOAR (free). Both apps are new to me, so I must admit I haven't used them yet. They look legit though, and I can't wait to try them. Valk and has a "panic button" feature and when you press it, a gentleman with a British accent(!) will calm you down. SOAR has a G-Force meter that can scientifically prove your flight is safe, something that I know would help me during bad turbulence.
Prepare yourself to handle an in-air emergency. Did you know that most plane accidents are survivable? Yup. And there are things you can do to increase your odds of survival in the unlikely event of an incident. Obviously, no one is going to survive a nose dive that results in a fiery crash, but most in-air incidents don't go down like that. In fact, 95% of airplane crashes have survivors. If you're Type-A like me, then feeling like you've prepared yourself to the fullest extent possible should give you some level of preparedness and therefore relief. I recommend reading this article, this one includes pictures, and here's one written by a pilot. And for God's sake, don't be that person who grabs your luggage on your way to the emergency exit (this is EXTREMELY COMMON! People do weird things when they panic!).
Don't just rely on alcohol. I used to order a drink at the first opportunity, no matter the flight time. Then I learned that on turbulent flights - when I need vodka the most - that's when they shut down the beverage service. Unfortunately, you just can't rely on the booze to be there to help calm your nerves. If a stiff drink is your only coping mechanism, you're just setting yourself up for failure (not to mention dehydration and needless calories). Don't get me wrong.... I still order the occasional in-air cocktail, but not because I need it. I'm just the kind of person who starts her vacation as soon as she arrives at the airport. 🥂 Of course, there are pros and cons to self medicating (be it alcohol, Benadryl, a sleeping pill, etc.), so just be honest with yourself whether you think going this route is actually helping you. It didn't help me, but it might help you!
Pack the day before. Getting out the house fully prepared for a trip is always stressful. I've learned that when I pack the day before, I am much less anxious the day of a flight and am therefore able to take the time I need to prepare myself mentally for the journey ahead. Think about it: if you aren't running around the house packing, then what's left to do before you're out the door? Unfortunately, I have a tendency to procrastinate packing, plus I always seems to be super busy with some sort of project that takes higher priority (finishing something for work before I'm gone for 2 weeks, making sure the clothes I need are all back from the dry cleaner, etc.). So, I definitely need to be better at prioritizing this for myself. It's always good to have a goal!
Leave early for the airport. Leaving early for the airport helps ease my anxiety too. When I leave with plenty of time to spare, I don't have to worry about missing the checked bag window or my flight if something goes wrong like a flat tire, bad traffic, or longer than usual security lines. This eases my general anxiety surrounding flying, and I'm better able to focus on relaxing in preparation for the flight. Unlike packing in advance, I am great at leaving early for the airport. So great, in fact, that it drives my husband insane. We're always negotiating departure times. However, I think I finally have him convinced that his life will be easier if he just lets me win this battle.
Don't watch those "air disaster" TV shows. GUILTY! 🙋🏻♀️ I've given myself nightmares watching these shows. What is it about shows like this that draw us in!? I've stopped doing this to myself. You should too.
Don't let your fears keep you grounded. The more you fly, the better flyer you'll become. As long as you're taking proactive steps to improve your flight anxiety, flying should become easier for you each time you do it. I love to travel and am blessed to have the means to do so pretty frequently. In my experience, the more I fly, the more certain sounds or bumps become normal ("Oh I've heard this engine sound before, we're good."). And because I love travel so much, I refuse to be that person who never goes anywhere because of an irrational fear of flying. Don't wake up one day and find you've become that person! 🙅🏻♀️ By the way, this tip is based on scientific fact. It's called Exposure Therapy.
There's something to be said for acceptance. What I mean by that is this: once you step on a plane, you've lost all control. Accept it. Basically nothing you can do will save you in the event of a severe crash except the good Lord above (miracles happen, after all). There's literally no amount of worrying that will change your fate. What is going to happen is going to happen. There is no escaping it, so why worry? Remember that you aren't in control. Let go.
When all else fails, get a prescription. Anxiety is real and it's medical. You don't have to have a "good reason" to feel anxious. My doctor prescribed me an anti-anxiety pill to be taken specifically for flying. It definitely helps me! Now that I practice meditation, I don't feel the need to take a pill every time I fly, but sometimes I still do if it's a long-haul flight.
And there ya have it! All the tips above have helped me tremendously!
Again, I'm not "cured". I still struggle sometimes. The difference, however, is that my anxiety isn't crippling. Before I actively took steps to improve myself, I would sit and stare obsessively out the window the entire flight to make sure we were still airborne. I couldn’t read, work, or focus on anything else. Sometimes I would work myself up to the point of actual tears. Now, if we hit turbulence, I look briefly out the window, grab my husband's hand, and quickly dive back into whatever it is I’m working on.
Me doing the quintessential celebrity "I fly private" shot next to my United commercial flight. Yes, the other passengers were waiting for me to finish so they could board. But I got the shot!
My main struggle is still turbulence. To this day, I can white knuckle during bad turbulence. In fact, during the flight I mentioned above from Denver to Austin, I accidentally pinched David so hard that he yelled “Liz! You literally almost ripped my leg apart!” so loudly that other passengers heard him and started laughing. 😳 I honestly had no idea I had even done it. But then, I took some deep breaths, gave myself a pep talk, and went back to reading my magazine. It's a whole new me!
To all of my fellow nervous flyers out there.... I hope you find these tips helpful. And if you have any tips or tricks that work for you that I didn't mention here, please let me know in the comments!